Romeo got it wrong...

"parting is such sweet sorrow..."

parting is definately sorrrow, but sweet, that i disagree...

as i have mentioned before, every time i'm about to leave for camp, i slip into this melochaly mood... perhaps its because every time i'm about to leave, no one's home... to see them before i go off for another week... even if they are at home, it would hardly be sweet... how i wish i could spend more time with them... which even though i had a long weekend, i didn't really... sat i had dinner with mom and va, with another auntie... mabel was studying somewhere else... sunday, i was with them in the morning for service... then i went to meet my friends till dinner, after which when i came home, mom and ma went out to get something and by the time they came home i was going to bed... today... well today at least i had breakfast with them... they were going on farm visits with our uncles and aunties... but i couldn't go along as i would have to leave halfway to go back to camp... i think i should have gone with them... this empty house that it is now is empty but has them written onto every thing here... even dad's pic is here...

in my yester-years, the balance between friends and family was somthing i often took for granted... i got to see both regularly, and as such, there wasn't much trade off if, lets say i wanted to go watch a movie with my friends... but now... that line between family and friends has grown so thin... i want both sides.. well, more of the family side now... even going out with my friends and i would feel guilty and depressed afterward... maybe its because i won't be seeing them for the rest of the week...

but yesterday's class lunch was quite a treat... met up with most of my old classmates... most of them haven't changed or if they did, only in subtle ways... but still the fact that we had so much to talk about shows how much we have all drifted... now everyone is on seperate paths, some having seperated before others...yet, to see the mix of personalities, it is a wonder that our paths did meet...

after lunch, i left with naga and jeremy cause jeremy has exams next week and needed to study... there was a parting again and again, it was far from sweet... the time spent later with naga and jeremy was a little of a waste.. not completely as we still had fun chatting... but i'm now regretting how i could have came home and spent time at home....

the old analogy of how once we grow up we would fly away from our nest... i think i have grown enough to fly away, but them the emotional strings are there, pulling me back... i just don't want to leave this family... which is why the army is being such a pain... mabel is having her sec 4 exams, va is still so young.... mum could use all the help...

sigh...

[g@b]

nostalgia...

having a nice sunday so far...

after church, my three gals and i went to taka for lunch... it was very ironical... here, along these crowded stores and choked walk-ways, although there have been many changes made to these commercialised places, i still remember the times of past... in secondary school or even in junior college, where i was privilaged enough to be located near the central district... in sec sch, i was studying just off orchard... thus a bus ride of a couple of stops would bring me into material haven... i love to walk the streets of mammon, just to glance at the fashion of the day, alone... to drop by the huge bookstores just to sit in the carpeted aisles and read any book there, getting lost in fantasy for hours... occassionally, i would just stumble into the Opera gallery to look at the beautiful oil paintings...

then in JC, i moved my hang-outs to the hereen and plaza singapore... also, started hanging out at the esplanade more as it was on the route home... the esplanade bay was just lovely... remembered i even spent an evening walking along the bay during my days of depression... i had even tried walking back from funan home....

now in the army.... time is a luxuary... sigh...

those were the days...
[g@b]

My Sorrow...

Do you know the kind of sorrow,
that chills a summer day cold?
The kind that sucks the colour from
and warps a diasy old?
Sorrow that causes a tree to wither,
and rot out from it's roots?
The kind of sorrow that stops the ripples
and dries the bubbling brooks?
Do you know the kind of sorrow
that turns all beauty hollow?
This is my sorrow.

stop, stop, or i'll shoot!

ha, bluffed you....

i shot already... ha... went for electronic range this week... they taught me how to hold and breathe properly while i shoot.... ha.... lame... mental stress... and there are soo many better shooters then me... sigh...

nothing much to write already.... later...

[g@b]

a long long week...

i thought that having status for the first three days of the week would be good...

but then it started to get killing on thurs onwards... no time to rest... and with such a short weekend... sigh... so tired... i give up...

[g@b]

sunday blues...

it's the same every sunday...

after church and lunch, we would come back home... then vanessa, my youngest sister would have to go for her ballet class at 2.30pm... thus she and my mom leave about 2 plus.... and it's always so hard to see them go...cause for the next 5 and a half days i won't be seeing them... then later i would have to say bye to my younger sister, mabel before i'm off to camp... it's so depressing... especially today.. don't know why... hai....

however, there is a little consolation today... i only need to get back an hour later... hopefully i'll get to see them before i leave the house later...

[g@b]

Rain, rain, please stay...

a lazy satuarday...

turned into a wet one... i went into a reflective mood, brooding... just thinking wat life would be without the army...what is the meaning of loyalty? of patriotism? of duty?

loyalty... to be faithful and true to an allegiance or government. why and for what purpose? if a government in a democratic state is a body of people choosen by the people for the people, thus being loyal to them would mean being loyal to yourself? and isn't it silly to put one's faith and trust in man? after all, to err is human. there will be times when our loyalties would be abused...

ah... all nonsense... guess the relative monotony of my national service is really starting to get me down... and it's only going to get worse... with so much uncertainty... i guess i can only walk by faith and not by sight...

rain rain... lovely little rain drops on my window... falling down, one by one... rain rain... please stay... let me have thoughts and dreams of a far better day...

[g@b]

burning back...

ha...

it started last sunday... my back felt inflamed... on monday, it lessened to just the right side.. on and off till wed... very pain that night.. thus went to see MO on thurs and got 7 days ex-rmj...

oh well.. the coming week is going to be tough...

watched the eye 10 yesterday... was pretty lame... more of a comedy then a horror... cheap com graphics and lame plot line... the only thing scary was the gals screaming... actually that was quite funny too! lol...

ok... going to lie down now... back pain... cya next week...

[g@b]